I can rest.

I'm bipolar.

The up and down crushed me for years and I couldn't get rest.  I'm thankful that I never tried to kill myself, or ever really wanted to, but it was a struggle all the same.  I can't even find the words to describe what it was like.  I just couldn't ever get a break from the mania and depression.  I could never be emotionless.  I could never just be.

I was on several medications and finally came to a match.  I could rest.  I didn't feel anything.  I was almost emotionless for about a year.

It was thrilling.

I have emotion now, but it's subdued a lot.  I get sad and I get excited, but it's never to the extreme that it was a few years ago.  I lost some things; I lost some of my skill to express myself.  I lost some creativity and some enthusiasm.  I lost some short term memory and some mental quickness.  But I can't even express how thankful I am to be able to rest, to slow down and be less intense, to get calm.  I feel like I can prepare for my adult life because now I can control my mind.  I have never been happier in my life.  And I know it's going to get better.

Bipolar no longer affects my life.  I can rest.